Nobodies Talking
by iheartmwpp
Summary: More like NOBODY'S TALKING! Right? 'C-'Cause they're Nobodies, but they also don't exist? Geddit? It's...It's a joke, it's like—Okay, I'll just leave now.


_A/N: Yo! Happy Holidays! Here's your Christmas present: an announcement that I've started the Reverse/Rebirth section of my Chain of Memories parody over at Archive Of Our Own! Aren't you excited? Well you should be, I'm doing the whole bloody thing for Christmas, get hyped. I SAID GET HYPED._

 **Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts, Pokémon 'Bridged, actual Pokémon, Berserk Abridged, The Hobbit, and Harry Potter are all creations of people much more talented than I, lucky bastards…

* * *

"Let's just wait until he advances a level before making any plans," said Lexaeus, talking about Riku even though they didn't know he was Riku yet.

"M'kay," said Zexion.

"I'm down," said Vexen. The three of them stood in silence for several minutes. "…Wow, we're really gonna wait for the plot to advance before actually moving, then, huh." Neither of them answered. "…Okay, I'm getting kind of sick of—"

"Hey I've been wondering something," Zexion cut him off suddenly. "Does Roxas look really familiar to anyone else?"

"…Now that you mention it, he kinda looks like that kid with a Keyblade that saved you from a bunch of non-Heartless monsters roughly ten years ago."

" _Now_ I remember!" said Zexion, snapping his fingers. "That was before I knew how to talk, apparently."

"No you could talk, you just knew your place back then."

"I HAVE A DICTIONARY AND YOU HAVE AN ANUS. _YOU'LL FIND THAT THEY FIT._ "

"I actually kind of remember running into a Roxas look-a-like ten years ago as well back when I was a guard standing outside the castle," added Lexaeus as he prevented Vexen from leaping at Zexion by grabbing onto the hood of his cloak with one hand, holding him back with ease. "Pretty sure Xaldin could back me up on that as well. This was, of course, back when he was less of a colossal douche-nozzle." He yanked Vexen back. "You're roughly the same level of douchiness."

"Hey, how 'bout you fuck off," grumbled Vexen, adjusting his jacket.

"How shall I fuck off, O Lord?"

"But why does Roxas look like that kid, though?" said Zexion, going into his Thinking PoseTM. "I thought he was Sora's Nobody, or was he actually that other kid's and it just took the Superior this long to track him down."

"Yes, that _is_ weird how Roxas's hairstyle is completely different to Sora's," said Vexen. "Usually we look almost exactly the same except for the most minor of differences, like with Axel's weird teardrop tattoos."

"The Superior's hair's pretty different from back then," defended Lexaeus.

"The Superior's hair is _always_ fucking changing, I think he has a stylist or something. At least it looks better than when he first came in, do you guys remember that shit?"

"No," said Zexion.

" _Yes!_ " said Lexaeus, starting to laugh. "That shit was _hideous!_ I swear they were trying too hard to have a unique hairstyle and it completely backfired, like with that starfish dwarf in the Hobbit movies, I could never take him seriously."

"You mean Nori?"

"Yeah, Starfish Guy."

"…HOW MUCH LONGER DO WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE PLOT TO START MOVING AGAIN?!" bellowed Vexen suddenly, starting to pace back and forth.

"Iunno, probably until whoever Zexion's been smelling advances between five and ten levels and then they'll move on to the next world, it's becoming kind of routine for this player at this point."

"Well can they get a move on?!"

"What, you think this game offers Rare Candies or something?" scoffed Zexion, who paused. "Actually that would be really useful, why is that just limited to Pokémon games that should be a staple in all JRPGs, it'd make things a lot less annoying in the long run."

"Yeah, level grinding's the worst," Vexen agreed. "Damn, if only we could think of something else to talk about to make the time go by faster…"

"And then he points his finger at the army of gunmen and says, 'Bang,' and falls lifeless to the stairs," said Lexaeus out of nowhere.

"What did that have to do with anything?!" screamed Vexen, still pacing.

"Oh nothing, it's just a really cool scene."

"Shut up, both of you," said Zexion. "I just figured out that I've been smelling Riku this whole time."

And then the actual parody continued. All was well.


End file.
